My sweet Grandma Ida had a sudden illness a couple of weeks ago and was not doing well. My mom called several times with updates. Grandma had good days and bad days and no one was sure if she was going to recover this time.
I love my Grandma so much, she had been such a huge part of my life, especially when I was young. I wanted her to know how grateful I was for her. I sat down that night and wrote her a letter. I knew I would be too emotional to read it to her and hoped someone would read it for me.
Mom called the next day and said she had taken a turn for the worst and I better come as soon as I could. Grandma had asked that everyone come. She knew it was time.
This was going to be so hard.
I was worried that I would be an emotional mess knowing this would be the last time I would see her. I prayed that I would have strength to share a few happy moments with her. I knew it would be hard. I repeated, "I can do hard things" to myself over and over.
After mom's phone call, I quickly threw some things together, tucked Grandma's letter in my bag and checked Kaity out of school early. We headed to Idaho. Markham was too busy at work to get away, which was hard but the drive gave me time to think and ponder about all my happy memories of Grandma and pray for strength.
My mom, the kiddos and me and Lindsey and her kiddos arrived at the hospital. My Uncle Lee was there with her and explained she was in a lot of pain at the moment. I panicked a little because I wasn't prepared to see her in a lot of pain and was afraid it would be hard for her to have us there. They gave her some morphine and in a few minutes she was feeling a lot better.
I took Kaity and Jackson to her bedside, she had an oxygen mask on and looked a little disheveled. But her blue eyes were bright and she was smiling. The kiddos did not flinch. They exchanged love yous and smiles. I was proud of them.
Afterwards, my mom took them out to the waiting room and gave me and Lindsey some time with her. Grandma and I held hands and talked for a few minutes. She was difficult to understand but we managed. It was hard to see her this way. I wanted to burst into tears, but I smiled. I was given the strength I had pleaded for.
She wanted us to polish her nails. Grandma always had polished nails. She wanted them to be pretty for the funeral.
Hard to think about. I wanted to cry.
I swallowed hard and fought back tears. I thought, "I can do hard things."
While I removed her polish she said, "Don't be mad at me if I fall asleep." It made me smile, she was so sweet. I told her I wanted her to enjoy the sweet peace dozing with meds brings. The morphine had kicked in and I was happy she was no longer in pain." She dozed in and out. Lindsey and I polished her nails a light pink color she had picked out.
After awhile. It was time to go.
We wondered if we should wake her to tell her we were leaving. I didn't want to say "goodbye" but knew I would regret it if we just left. I approached her bedside. I held her hand and told her we would come back and see her tomorrow. We were staying the night at my parents house but I seriously doubted she would still be with us the next day but I couldn't bare to say "goodbye." I kissed her forehead and told her I loved her. She said I love you so much." I fought back the tears until we left her room and then I fell apart. I pulled the letter I had written from my bag and gave it to mom. With tears, she said she would read it to Grandma. I was grateful.
Later that night, she slipped into a coma and did not wake again. I'm so happy I was able to be there and share a few last moments and words with her.
I had a restless night at home. Mom and her siblings had originally planned to take shifts through the night, but felt Grandma was so close to passing no one dared leave. I went to bed around 1030. They were all still at the hospital. Adelyn was sick with a cough and ear infection and struggled to sleep. I struggled to sleep as well. I knew if they all came home, it meant Grandma had gone. I lied in bed wondering if she was still with us or had passed. At around 5:30 in the morning, I heard them come home. She had passed away a little earlier, surrounded by her 4 children. It was Thursday, January 23rd. Her struggle was over.
Mom and her siblings were so emotionally and physically exhausted. They all tried to get some sleep.
I wanted to give them peace and quiet, difficult with the kiddos so I got packed up and left around 10.
I cried the entire way home. It was a mix of loss and happiness that her and Grandpa were reunited.
We would be heading back in a few days for the funeral.
Monte called me on the way home and asked if Lindsey and I would give the Life Sketch at the funeral, standing at the pulpit together for support.Through tears, I told him I honestly didn't think I could do it.
He called Lindsey.
She called me and said she would do it if I would. She said, "I think we can do it together." I had serious doubts. She told me to think about it.
A few hours later, at home I noticed a tube of red lipstick in my bathroom drawer. Grandma always wore lipstick. I took it and wrote "I can do hard things" on the bathroom mirror.
I decided with my sister at my side, we could do the life sketch for Grandma.
***
Her funeral was on January 29th. It was a cold and rainy morning. I had prayed so hard that I would not be hopelessly emotional. Her story is so fascinating, I didn't want to ruin it with a squeaky voice and deep sobs. It was a happy time to celebrate her life and legacy. Grandma had so much grace, courage and faith. I needed to be like her.
As I stood there with Lindsey. I was overcome with comfort and peace. I was given a measure of strength well beyond my own in those moments and I am so grateful. I was amazed at how well I kept it together. Lindsey did an awesome job too. Grandma was proud I am sure. Afterwards, I fell apart, and that was ok.
I am so grateful for my testimony of our Savior, Jesus Christ and of the Plan of Salvation. I know I will see Grandma again, and Grandpa. I know they are together now and that brings me great comfort and peace.
She was a very special lady, dearly loved and will be greatly missed.
Grandma with Kaitlyn in 2007
Celebrating Grandma's 89th Birthday in Idaho- March 2011
Christmas 2013
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